Puerto Rican tales of kosherness, compassionate conservatism, the War on Terror and the calling.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

We Got To Show Each Other Some Love

This rite of custom brings us together at a defining hour — when decisions are hard and courage is tested. We enter the year 2007 with large endeavors underway, and others that are ours to begin. In all of this, much is asked of us. We must have the will to face difficult challenges and determined enemies — and the wisdom to face them together.

This defines what we are facing right now. We struggle through life's trials and what we ourselves do to make it more difficult than it should be. In speaking to others across the nation and gathering their collective thoughts on many a subject matters, something BIG has to change. It is deeply attached to our faith in God accomplishing those tasks, what we ourselves do to complete the job ahead of us, and whether the two are in harmony and fit into the overall picture.

The subject of dating within God's Church has apparently gathered a strong wind and some have expressed hopelessness, others have spread dissent and tyranny, while a few keep the hope of love and romance alive. As is the case with democracy, love is a fragile concept. It has been misunderstood by some, applied erroneously by many and established by a courageous few. Much as with the headlines with the War on Terror, we put our focus on the failures and struggles that we face while ignoring the good that is being accomplished.

Case in point, we pay too much attention to the heartache we've suffered and how we've been wronged. I am one who has done so and I bear the responsibilities and consequences of doing so. It leads to bitterness, anger, and loss of hope, lack of faith and opens the door to pessimism, a negative attitude. Doing so makes the battle more uphill than it already is, and we are left with a lack of fortitude to see the fight through. The vision becomes blurred and we let ourselves become hopeless.

There are some who have a misconstrued idea as to what we refer to as the War on Terror. Some think that the rhetoric refers to a universal belief in which the opposite sex is to blame entirely for the failures we have encountered in dating, how we approach it and the overall picture of relationships in the Church. This administration has not endorsed a policy of blame-all without proposing solutions. That is the essence of what I am trying to get at, being able to see where there can be agreement or at least explain how we can all improve our chances at success. It cannot be achieved by being encamped in two oppositional trenches aiming the weaponry at each other. Bipartisanship is what is desperately needed to achieve success. We should not much care about which side of the aisle we sit on – as long as we are willing to cross that aisle when there is work to be done. Outside of the Church’s Work, there is no greater work that needs to be accomplished in our lifetimes. This HAS to change if we are to partake of the same happiness we have seen a courageous few apply.

As Churchgoers, we try to keep our focus on the BIG picture. Sometimes it is difficult to do so when we get caught up in the distractions of everyday life. We try our hardest to prepare for what is just ahead, regardless of how far off that might be. We also work and educate ourselves so we could be able to provide and live a somewhat comfortable physical life. It is difficult to balance these two views, caring about a world that we KNOW is perishing. Standards and expectations remain high even though they might not be realistic.

Partly, the War on Terror rhetoric refers to the unrealistic expectations of the opposite gender. We are venturing in what I refer to as a crusade, bringing back the romance, courting, and chivalry to a society that has no idea what those terms are or the importance they have in how we conduct our lives. It seems that there is an abundance of talking a good game, saying the things that the other gender likes to hear but a lack of will to implement what should be so simple. There is talk of just wanting to settle with a converted mate, to endure through life’s struggles together, in essence, to find enduring happiness. How are we to accomplish this mission when we face enormous obstacles?

Why are we so open-ended about relationships and commitment? Are we truly “open-ended about our options”, “waiting for the right guy/girl to come into our lives” or do we simply push away the best thing that God could send our way? We CANNOT have it both ways. To pray to God to provide and proceed to push him/her out when we can potentially achieve that happiness is utterly indefensible. There are going to be struggles and I suggest we break off the idea we all have concocted in our minds about the perfect scenario. We ourselves are not perfect; there is no Utopia in sight, the perfect spouse is not coming through the door anytime soon. It is time to stop engaging in a thought process that is a total disconnect from reality. The fact is that we need not to lower our standards but to make our expectations compatible with reality.

Reality is that there is an impending collapse of Western society, as we know it. Life is a lot more difficult for us than it was for our parents. I suggest speaking with those who gave you life and gain insight as to what they went through in their marriages. Too often we see the “finished” product of a happy marriage but we do not see the blood, sweat and tears that went into such a magnificent creation. We see the happiness and joy of some but do not have any concept of what it takes to have a joyous relationship eventually leading to marriage.

It is safe to say we seek to serve God, to love and support a spouse, to live happily… to have God and each other. Whatever your beliefs are, they are not in favor of failure. Let us take this moment to look within ourselves for a new strategy, a strategy of hope.

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It is an inspiring message Martin. I hope the results of it are much different from those of G.W.'s State of the Union address. I watched it, even Pelosi cheered, yet within 24 hours the president has been scoffed at and his will to do good belittled. Your writing here seems to be an overview or framework of some things that need to be changed. I would like to extend my support and openly endorse that message. I think it is good and right to call for teamwork in the pursuit of happiness. Truly we live in Satan's world and real complete happiness cannot be had in it. But by working together in acheiving the goals in light of God's plan and purpose... seeing the big picture we can and will be blessed and be reasonably happy in this age.

1:11 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel ya buddy! *points* *thumbs up*
There is a huge spectrum defining the hope that is within us. This message points out one narrow band of the spectrum, but a neccessary and particularly important band. We are living in the midst of a mindset that is enmity toward God. That enmity is probably most apparant within this topic. Without rejecting their ideas in our actions and our minds, we will appear as Al Gore.. err, I mean, babbling fools. You have definitely outlined a much better path, from which, "The spirit is, 'bring your best idea how to solve the problem; we'll see if we can find common ground.'" Without us all operating together, sharpening and refining our ideas, we won't remain on the path to Godliness and happiness.

3:41 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow Martin. You really got it goin on, I agree 100% with what you wrote. I've made that very same mistake, thinking about past heartache and what I've went thru. Then I think that everyone's that way, and they're not. You have a really good chance of either passing over a truly wonderful person, or ruining something wonderful you DO have, because you can't let go.
Please don't make that mistake!! It's hard I know, but just keep working at it, and it'll get easier....
As for the romance/chivalry, I agree with that too. People tell each other what they want to hear, but the actions aren't there. I'm trying to change that myself, and I'm lucky enough to have found someone who also backs up their words with actions.
You're also right that we can't have it both ways, and claim we "just want to be happy", yet push away what God provides. I've seen where guys (and girls) seem to be looking for the "perfect mate". Well guess what, none of us are perfect, and you have to figure out if the problems that person has are fixable, if they WILL get fixed, and if not, if you can live with them.
How about we get some suggestions for the ladies here on what we can do to make our men happy? After all, chivalry can go both ways! What do guys want? (Welllll, keep it kosher guys, and we already know about food!!) How are we supposed to show them we care? I'm curious, so type away guys! :-)
P.S. Thanks Martin, for a great post!!

3:55 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, that was an amazing post. I don't really know what else to say, I think everything has already been said by Richard, Mike, and Alicia. :) I agree with you 100%. We all definitely need to forget about the past, forget the pain we've gone through and move ahead remembering that no one is perfect and that it will take a lot of hard work to make a relationship work. We just have to keep God in the picture by praying to Him, asking for wisdom, and seeking counsel from parents, friends, ministers, etc.
P.S. I apologize for my previous skeptism at the mention of a defiance post. :)

6:05 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to say martin... your words resound wisdom. Keep up the good fight, I hope all is well with you.
And alicia... one of the biggest things guys want... is respect.

7:11 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, you know Jeff, I was told that same thing. But really, how do we show respect? I mean we can defer to you in decision making, but is that it? I'm just not totally sure how to show a guy I respect him, if there's more to it than that...

9:19 PM

 
Blogger Annette said...

We've heard a lot over the years at L4T and other places about not expecting perfection in your mate, and realizing that you are not perfect yourself. It wasn't until recently that I realized that I have been expecting perfection, and was willing to give up the best thing in my life to search for it. That's not the way it works, kids. You have to love the person, including the imperfections, and not be so self-righteous that you neglect to recognize your own. Talk the talk AND walk the walk.

4:10 PM

 
Blogger Tristan said...

obama '08.

9:31 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Martin, I like your point about not letting heartache lead to bitterness.

There's actually something that's so blessed about not getting what you want in life. Jesus Christ learned from suffering, and so can we.

I personally think that it's by necessity that there are obstacles in relationships. They can lead to growth or bitterness, depending on what we choose.
Ultimately they can lead to the love of/for God in us toward others, whether we choose to eventually marry those people or not.

Diana Turner

12:17 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You said: " being able to see where there can be agreement or at least explain how we can all improve our chances at success. It cannot be achieved by being encamped in two oppositional trenches aiming the weaponry at each other. "
You could not be more right Martin! Marriage has nothing to do with "two" anything. The two become one; after that you are one, going together in one direction, not pulling your separate (selfish) ways. The key is getting the mind off of the self (ie; serving which means thinking of the other person ahead of yourself... just think if both are doing that, what it would be like!wonderful!) and how apropo is that for us Christians??
One other "key"; don't ever buy that stuff about not marrying your best friend of the opposite sex because it will supposedly "ruin the friendship." That is exactly what Satan WANTS you to think! DO marry your best friend and STAY best friends! Things that we seem to get all worked up about or agonize over can many times be solved by simplifying them down to simple bits of wisdom given to us by our very loving Father. Read Proverbs, read Ecclesiastes! Oh, one last thing I may have said before; if you want your true mate, ask GOD to choose them for you! (I did & have never regretted it after 17 years and MANY trials!)
With Love, Hank's Mom

4:10 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thoughts on respect....this won't even begin to cover what is on my mind on the subject, but I thought I would atleast give it a try....

When I think of showing respect to a guy I think of esteem. Esteeming someone is holding them with high regard. You can go through the act of showing someone respect without really holding them in high regard. That is what we do often times with the people we know and interact with on a daily basis, or even with those that are our friends. Having respect for someone has many facets. You can respect someone in one area and not respect them in an entirely different area. This in turn effect your overall opinion of them and how highly you regard them. So, when thinking about a guy I might potentially date, I ask myself what are his view points on major life areas such as God, family, etc? What are his goals in life? Who are his friends? Is he a positive or negative person? Is he faithful in a relationship and honest? The answers to these questions don't all have to be perfect.....the point in asking them is "Can I still respect him even after I recognize the areas he is weak in?" If you know yourself well enough you will know what eats at you inside and what you can accept in the other person when it comes to flaws.

So, to move on....to show LASTING respect towards someone we need to genuinely feel it on the inside..otherwise we go through the actions of it in the beginning and eventually that vaporizes away into fights and arguements b/c we chose to overlook a weakness in the other person that we didn't really want to live w/ for the rest of our lives in the first place.

One of the best ways that I know of to figure out what I am looking for is to analyse myself. Figure out my own weaknesses and imperfections, and work on them. God does require that for salvation anyway, so that shouldn't be a problem. Figure out the traits I would like to have and then strive to acheive them....And meanwhile look for someone who through just being themselves, imperfect and all, is strong in the areas I am weak, and knows how to bring out the positive in me without being my dad.

Respect can not be given unless the person shows themselves to be respectable. We ladies want respect as well....do we show ourselves to be respectable?

I am obviously not the expert on this since at this point I am not married, but I thought I would throw in my 1 cent for what it is worth....

7:22 AM

 

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